Kareoke will never be a sober sport
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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