I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
