Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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