PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize