That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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