just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
