So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
