'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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