haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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