He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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