umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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