My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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