So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
