I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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