I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
