My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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