So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
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i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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