Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize