Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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