dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
