Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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