is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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