idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Randomize
