$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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