8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
