I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
