my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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