first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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