i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize