we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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