so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
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my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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