bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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