That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize