wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
