U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.