you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
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i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin