I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear