There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."