Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist