I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.