it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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