Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
