Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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