Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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