Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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