just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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