Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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