I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?