Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?