handjob tips. give me some.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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