ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
