i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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