just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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