I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize