She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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