Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i love accidental penises.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I need water and some morals
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
