I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
